My name is Polina, and I am afraid of flying.

Okay confession time. I am a terrible flyer. I am terrified of dying in a plane crash, to the point where I promise myself every time I am on an airplane that I will never, ever do this again.

There must be another way. I think to myself, as the image of Rose on a raft and Jack holding on to it float through my head. Of course, by the time the plane lands, I think, Okay, maybe this isn’t so bad. 

Yet every time I fly, my response and anxiety worsen, to the point where I feel like one day I will not be able to travel by plane at all.

I know I am not the only one with this fear, and I certainly know that I am not the only travel obsessed wanderluster with it either. So overcoming this is high on my priority list, because I would hate to base travel decisions on something so irrational. But that’s a post for a different day. Today is about confronting not overcoming.

It doesn’t help that I also happen to function as my very own “google alerts” system for anything problematic that happens in the sky. Several times a week I will read about some unfortunate mishap or another. This week’s MH17 incident certainly makes even more uneasy. My heart goes out to all of those affected by this not so accidental tragedy.

So yup, you are reading this correctly, I know I am irrational about this, and I know I subconsciously (I think?) seek out stories to worsen my fear. But this is not all, here are some other things that worsen my fear when traveling:

1. Turbulence. This is my telltale sign that this giant hunk of metal, up so so high in the sky that it may as well be out of the earth’s atmosphere, is, with some uneven air pressure, going drop right down to the ground. I am particularly bothered when pilots do not announce that they are entering an area of turbulence. Share the knowledge people!

2. Uneasy fight attendants. When turbulence plays its cruel cruel games on me, I instantly look at the flight attendants. Heaven forbid they are just uneasy because some passenger was giving them a hard time. Nope, a concerned look on their faces means: Game Over.

3. Lack of parachutes. Okay, on boats you get live vests, and on planes you get ________ …finish that sentence. Should be parachutes right? Nope instead we get life jackets. This makes zero sense *unless we manage to make a safe landing on the water and need to go for a swim afterward to freshen up, then fine.

4. Other planes in the sky. I don’t care if they are at different altitudes hundreds of km away. They are there, why are they there? Don’t they know I am flying right now?!?

5. Landing by water. Okay, maybe here life jackets aren’t the worst idea. But seriously, who thought putting a runway a couple meters from bodies of water was a good thing!?!

Okay so there you have it, a glimpse into the life of a relatively functional aviophobic. I assure you this wont be the last time I bring this up, as I try to get over my issues. Wish me luck!

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